Save New York – Throw a Little Salt Over Your (left) Shoulder

January 7, 2010
By John

I love New York.  I really do.  It is America’s Gotham.  It vibrates, it jives, it hums, it plays.  It has world class energy with an American flavor.  It’s a safe, beautiful city steeped in some of the most exciting moments in American history. From its founding as a pirate haven to the epic Battle of Brooklyn Heights and the World’s Fair in 1939, New York has often been the focus of the world’s attention.  But it’s not always to the good.

This is one of those times.  It turns out that the city that lost thousands of its citizens and over $150 billion on 9/11, the city that will be even more at risk during the 9/11 terrorist trials, the city that was rocked by financial scandals which drove our nation into a financial sewer, has found a new and more dangerous enemy to confront.

Salt.  That insidious white powder, that snowy carrier of misery and pain, is going to get it’s come-uppance at last.  Mayor Bloomberg’s Health Department has decided that the evil restaurateurs who line the city’s streets are stealthily poisoning their customers with crystal death, and are preparing to mandate a 25% reduction in salt use.  And the ravenous food companies that infuse everything from bread and butter to candy and soup with the stuff will also need to comply, or content themselves to pushing their briny goods via Indian Smoke Shops or at Jersey City drive throughs.  I’m so glad they found something important to consume this month’s offering of bread and circuses.

It’s hard to argue that, in aggregate, American’s shouldn’t eat less salt.  Excessive consumption contributes to high blood pressure and other maladies – but so does too much cheese.   And the fact is that a lack of salt can be fatal.   It’s also true that some people need more salt than others.  Moreover, some of us actually like the taste of salt, despite the risks.  Some of us even eat potassium-rich food to offset its effects.  And its use causes no harm to others – no matter who much you take or how you take it.  So shouldn’t the government stay out of our spice rack?

It turns out the answer is ‘no’.  Not when we have a heraldic savior living in Gracie Mansion.   New York – the tough city of the Sopranos and the Five Points – is now leading the nation in nanny-statism.  Salt is joining transfats and smoking on the no-longer-for-polite company product list, with alcohol and beef sure to be next.  I can’t wait for a street vendor to stop me at the door of Smith & Wollensky, and say “Psst… Hey, buddy.  Wanna buy some salt before you go in…?”

I guess it won’t matter much when they get around to banning meat, and force us to eat organic soybean steak instead.  Of course, it turns out that too much soy causes impotence.  And that, dear friends, is the Rough Truth about what our leaders really want us to feel.

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3 Responses to “ Save New York – Throw a Little Salt Over Your (left) Shoulder ”

  1. Asmaralda Bartipatwitch on January 12, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    So does this mean they are taking the salt and pepper shakers off the tables? What about ice cream, it needs a fair amount of salt so it maintains a soft and firm consistency otherwise it freezes too solid and won’t scoop. Are they not serving salted peanuts anymore at the ballgame? Who’s going to know if a chef has changed the recipe and reduced the salt? You know nutmeg is very carcinogenic when eaten in bath tub size quantities maybe they should ban nutmeg as well.

  2. Thomas M on January 12, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    Are any of our big cities governed by anyone other than urban hillbillies like Bloomberg? Need some fresh blood in charge. Too much inbreeding :)

  3. JoJoTo4 on January 22, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Hmmmm I wonder how much money was spent, on figuring out that they need exactly 25% less, and how much of it was taxpayer dollars! Now I’m no rocket scientist but its winter, what are they going to use to de-ice the roads? Well someone will figure it out. Probably at taxpayer expense!

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