Clueless in the Capital

January 20, 2010
By John

Opportunity for a Cinematic Revival?

It’s finally time for a sequel to the very amusing 1995 film ‘Clueless’.  But this time we can film it as a documentary.  It will be almost as funny, and all you need to do is pull video feeds from YouTube to bring it to the screen.

Our stars will be the Congressional Leadership, and feature Steny Hoyer, Nancy Pelosi, Howard Dean and a cast of Disneyesque simpletons (no offense to Mr. Disney’s company – I’m a big fan) who are self-evidently delusional and utterly clueless.  All they have to do is talk – so the production costs will be low (although the carbon footprint impact could be staggering).

The setting is the aftermath of an election.  One where an opposition upstart challenges the machine, and wins the seat of a left-wind ideological icon in a whirlwind of excitement.  The machine is stunned, and its leaders are searching for words to describe their reactions.  And what do they choose to say?  Things only the truly Clueless could love:

  • Howard Dean, former head of the Democratic Party:  “I don’t think anybody knows why this happened…the message that I think, the anecdote I give is that we have to be tougher. The Democrats haven’t been tough enough. George Bush would have had the health care bill done a long time ago. It would have gone through reconciliation and been what we wanted…. I don’t think this was a backlash against health care reform.”   Hey Howard, don’t you guys run Washington?  Haven’t you run already run over everyone who disagrees?  Who is left for you to get tough on – the janitors in the Capital basement?
  • Steny Hoyer (D-MD), House Majority Leader: “I think the electorate, (the) American public, is very concerned about the direction of their country and that is the central motivating factor, I think, for voters today; What does that mean? They’re looking for change in direction. I would opine and believe strongly that President Obama has brought that.”  Congressman, I couldn’t agree more.  But the really Clueless part is you seem to think the change the President brought is welcome.  Do not ask for whom the bell tolls, sir, as it tools for thee.
  • And Queen Clueless herself, Nancy Pelosi (D-SF), led the pack in a state of blissful ignorance: “Massachusetts has health care and so the rest of the country would like to have that too,” she told reporters. “So we don’t [think] a state that already has health care should determine whether the rest of the country should.”  Madame Speaker, the only word that comes to mind is ‘whatever’.  Maybe you can get your hair done or something.

Clueless II Stars?

I hope our friends in Hollywood take this suggestion to make a new Clueless documentary.  There are rows and rows of useful idiots to meet and greet in the halls of Congress today.  The Rough Truth is they aren’t going to be there much longer, so I’d get going right away.

PS:  Note to Filmmaker – I wish there were a suitable role for Alicia Silverstone in this one.  She is lovely and talented, and she would offer much needed comic relief to the effort.  But I think even a minor role in this little stink-bomb would drag her down.  So we’re going to wish her well, and let these fools continue to implode all by themselves.  See you at the Mall, gang.

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One Response to “ Clueless in the Capital ”

  1. JoJoTo4 on January 23, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I believe they made a movie in “94” that starred all these people, I really can’t call them political party leaders without laughing so hard I shoot milk out my nose. I believe it was called DUMB and DUMBER! At least when the stooges did this stuff it was funny. But then again they weren’t leading our country into depression!

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